It’s not Monday, it’s Tuesday. Busted. Grace please?
In Part I of Harry’s Story, I left off at the part where I met Matt and was quickly swooned by his acceptance of fertility question marks and his willingness to journey through God’s plan with me.
Matt and I met Christmas 2006, began dating in 2007 and grew serious later that year. We were engaged in March of 2008 and married in February of 2009. It was shortly after our engagement that I began taking my temperature every morning and following the charting procedures for Natural Family Planning (NFP). Now some people assume that our decision to use NFP* was based on me being Catholic and that we entertained no other option. Others assume we wanted babies from the start. But the truth is that we weighed several other options and did not want to get pregnant right away. NFP was simply the only choice we could personally move forward with clear eyes and full hearts (can’t lose, right?).
*If you want to know more about our decision to use NFP, I am happy to share.
The factors that led to our decision to delay pregnancy were the same of most newlywed couples. After a long-distance engagement, we wanted a bit of time together. Matt was in the thick of grad school and we were living in Vancouver, Canada for at least a couple of years.
Now I could get into the next part with great detail but I’ll keep it a little close to the cuff. Basically, we had a very early pregnancy “scare” (that word is important) that had us all in a fuss. “We’re not ready! We have a timeline! How could God do this!?”
It was that last part that stopped us in our tracks. I mean, did you guys read Part I of this story where I had to tell Matt that I might not be able to have babies? How far we had strayed! Me, with my incredible perspective and questionable fertility, had allowed myself to get so wrapped up in a timeline that, for even a quick moment, I “feared” pregnancy.
We weren’t pregnant. And though our planned timeline was safe our hearts were softened to the idea. We continued to postpone pregnancy for the next few months. Then I was offered a job…my dream job involving international travel and event planning and career growth to the max. They requested that we stay in Vancouver for at least 3 years and after plenty of conversation, we agreed to those terms. I was THISCLOSE to signing the dotted line when I casually asked about “family growth”. Though an employer cannot legally state a preference it was said, in no uncertain terms, that they preferred for those 3 years to be uninterrupted.
So now I was staring my PCOS in the face. If you recall from Part I, the clock works against you with PCOS and delaying another 3 years meant that 1) the timeline was being forced by us and 2) the fertility window would keep closing. So I rescinded my verbal agreement and told them that they would be better suited finding someone else. They pressed for more explanation and finally I told them that I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t get pregnant for three years. They weren’t too happy and I’ll never forget the tone of their voice when they said, and I quote, “you are turning down a great opportunity because you want to be a mommy someday?” Well, when you put it that way…yep.
So then, with perspective again refreshed, we began actually trying. Six months into trying, a laughable amount of time compared to so many couples, I began to speak with a doctor about it. He chuckled, told us to try for six more months and then we’d run tests.
In the first six months I read Dr. Marilyn Shannon’s book, “Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition.” We received a copy in our NFP course and let me just say that if I am ever lucky enough to meet Dr. Shannon, she won’t be ready for the amount of love and giddiness I will exude. This is what got me to examine our diet and our supplements. We cut out high fructose corn syrup, aspartame, and most processed foods. I began taking a prenatal and we kept in shape. We felt great but still weren’t pregnant. So we ran the tests.
Our results showed two strikes. Not just one for my PCOS, but one for Matt as well. Two strikes and a less than 3% chance of ever getting pregnant. I got a second opinion and the results were confirmed.
This time our perspective didn’t fail us. We were tired, a bit beat down, and emotionally drained but we knew that this wasn’t a battle for us to fight. Our hearts had been preparing for this for years. We made the decision to move back to Texas and take a break. No more charting, no more counting days and taking temperature. Fertility treatments were not an option. We just wanted to surround ourselves with family and friends back home and start to save for adoption.
So we moved back to Texas. I was in a bit of a “mourning state” so I turned down a job, took a sabbatical, and worked for my sister as a nanny to my two nephews.
I know this is a lot of back story and that is definitely why it’s not entitled, “Harry’s BIRTH Story”. But my intention here was also to document our journey. Perhaps it also sheds a little bit of light on why I am Mom-arazzi with our babe…I am in a constant state of wonder that this little miracle is actually ours. That and he’s really cute and fun.
Next Monday, Part III. If it makes you feel better, I will commit to there only being IV parts. Call it the “Lost” treatment…the light at the end of the storytelling tunnel is near!
Peace and Blessings friends.